Time to make myself happy.

My mantra has always been that if you’re unhappy, you are the one responsible for changing it. You can’t rely on others for happiness.

But I’ve recently realized that I’ve lost the willpower to do this for myself. Even the littlest things like putting away my laundry or taking a walk, two things that I know have always made me feel fantastic, I end up putting off. I usually end up on the couch after work, asleep before I even really start watching whatever show/movie I’ve started.

That’s the fairly large kicker here; I am always tired with little to no motivation. I need to start taking steps to boost my energy levels, physically & mentally. I know I am capable because I’ve set my mind to something before – a slightly different goal. At 20 years old, I wanted to lose weight & ended up shedding +80 lbs. This not only did wonders for my self-esteem but it also made me realize that if I truly wanted something bad enough, I was capable of putting in the hard work to achieve it.

The only one standing in my way was me. 

In the sake of all honesty, my weight loss brought me to a place where I was proud of what I had accomplished, but I also knew that I hadn’t exactly achieved my body in the healthiest of ways. In the height of my gym days, I was there twice a day – morning and night (with a 12-14 waitressing shift in-between, 6 days a week.) More self-conscious than ever, I was rarely eating anything; so of course the pounds melted off when I was burning 4x the calories I was taking in everyday. I dwindled down to a weak & bony figure – looking very sickly. Even though my family and close friends started to express their concerns, I only saw problem areas that could use improvement.

It took a while to get off this train but I stopped obsessing at the gym, put 10-15 lbs. back on, and started eating healthy. Every time I look in the mirror now, I wink at myself – I know I am beautiful. Maybe I didn’t need to lose a bunch of weight to ever feel that way about myself but my journey makes me appreciate myself that much more.

 

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